Life's too short to be ordinary...

There are sometimes moments in traveling/relocating when I start to have second thoughts. What was I thinking leaving my great job in Los Angeles, leaving behind my amazing friends and family in San Diego/LA/San Jose, the wonderful SoCal cities, the great vegetarian food, my awesome yoga studio, my life as I knew it? And then I start to feel nostalgic, then alone, then lonely, missing everything and everyone I left behind.

And for what? Temporary excitement? Something new? New country, new language, new job, new set of friends, finding new ways of getting around, new hang out spots, new culture, new confusions, new frustrations? Ok, well that's not fair. I am actually loving my life here in China - the new friends and adopted family, the lifestyle, what I do here ("what I do here" is different from "my job;" the job is ok, but I'd rather be somewhere where I felt like I made more of a difference). So I love it here, but at the same time am missing everything I left. And yesterday was my birthday, so a few days leading up to that I started wondering whether anyone back home would remember, would care...(leading up to a pity party).

But then I got my answer. In the form of 48 emails in my inbox and two Skype voicemails.

I heard from my parents and brother, best friends back home, old college friends, grad school friends, ex-boyfriends, Yandara and other yoga friends, travel buddies, Buenos Aires friends, cousins, random and not-so-random people I've met abroad. I got an e-card (which you can thank for the title of this blog) and even flowers sent from my best girl friends back in SD. If I had to describe what I felt in only one word, it would be:

Blessed.

I am blessed. And I am so lucky because anytime I've felt lonely and pangs of pity for myself, the beginnings of the descent into sadness, I am reminded that I am loved.

So this blog is for you: thank you for taking the time to read my words, consider me a part of your life, no matter how big or small. I am thankful and feel blessed to have you a part of mine.

Mistaken Identity

When I first arrived in China, I was asked what the biggest culture shock was. You'd think I would say the toilets, the weather (like, they have seasons here. Coming from Southern California, that's just plain strange), or the food, or just how many people there are. But no. It sounds stupid, but the first thing I was shocked by was that, wow, everything is written in Chinese and I have no idea what anything says.

You'd think I would have thought that was a given, but it still does not cease to amaze me. Those little squares, circles, and brush strokes actually mean something, and if I'm in town, I spend most of my time in awe of my utter illiteracy.

The other thing occupying my time in town is usually deciphering strange looks. I just recently figured out that most people have no idea what I am. "She looks Asian, but I can't quite put my finger on what kind." "Are you Chinese or Thai?" ("Neither.") "Hmm, you could be part Chinese" (which is a compliment, I think, as in "you could be part of the greatest people on Earth"). "Thai? Hawaiian? Mexican? Indian?" ("Cold, cold, cold, and colder"). Or if I'm out with my mostly white teacher friends, most Chinese assume that I am their interpreter, since I am the Asian-est. It's quite ironic, actually, since I think I know the absolute least Chinese of anyone in all of China; even if I try to speak it, people look at me as if I am speaking Russian.

So I guess that's another one of the things that shock me the most about living here: everyone's Chinese (duh!), and unless you're some shade of white, you're bound to get a lot of strange looks. Well, no, let me restate that, if you're a cracker, you'll get strange looks, and sometimes even have your picture taken, but if you're some shade between yellow, red, and brown, then you're just plain perplexing to most people outside major cities.

...

But then again, whenever I've traveled anywhere else, I always get mixed up for something other than Filipino. Mexicans think I'm Hawaiian, Hawaiians think I'm Mexican, Peruvians think I'm Chilean, Argentines think I'm Paraguayan, Brazilians think I'm Argentine, and then there's the whole palette of Southeast Asia to choose from (Thai, Malaysian, Indonesian, etc). US Americans will get more creative, coming up with amalgamations of Japanese, Spanish (thanks to "Benitez," my last name), and Cambodian, maybe with a hint of Latin American thrown in there. The absolute best was when I was walking through a fish market in Santiago, Chile, and someone asked me if I was Brazilian ("No, pero gracias! Muchas Gracias!!!") So to credit the Chinese, I guess I am pretty confusing looking.

The next time I'm asked (usually as interpreted by a third party, by our taxi driver), I think I will just lie and say I'm Chinese. Or that I'm of African descent. Then I can really start having fun with it.

A little PMA (Positive Mental Attitude)

Sometimes it's really easy to get caught up with your life; you start thinking that your work is very important, that the circle of friends immediate to you are the only people you'll be hanging out with every night, that you'll never meet anyone new or go anywhere out of the ordinary. Little things trip you up and they snowball into big things, and the next thing you know you're in a funk. If you're a self-aware person, you're able to step back and pull yourself out of it. If not, well, you're screwed (for a while, at least).

Luckily, life post-Yandara (my amazing amazing yoga teacher training on a beach in baja last year) has left me aware of these downward spirals and I've been able, most times, to pull myself out mid-fall. And at Yandara, I met the most wonderful, loving, beautiful people I've ever met thus far in my life. People who share that same love for life and people, whose inner peace shine through a graceful exterior, who always see the brighter side of things, who are always willing to see you for the divine who resides within (there's a bit of god/the divine in everyone/everything, which is why we should treat each other kindly)...yeah, those people are awesome.

I was just going about my business today when I received an email which made me think, "well, i didn't think i needed a pick-me-up, but that sure felt nice." It was courtesy of one of my San Diego yoga friends and I thought I'd share some words of wisdom.

"I hope that you start being better to yourself because you deserve it and you must not forget to love yourself even more now that you are away in China because only you have the power to make yourself happy. "

Sometimes I forget because so often we're looking for other people or other things to make us happy. I haven't been meditating lately to tap into my stock of inner happiness (doh!). But everyday is a walking meditation, and I've been practicing my PMA since being here.

Oh, and just one more quote...my favorite...

"I must say that the Yoga studio misses your Goddess Pose...maybe its because you hold the spirit of some ancient Goddess."

No explanation needed for that one =)

Shine on, people. And spread the light.

It's a man's world

My move to China was not very well thought out. I didn't learn any Mandarin before boarding the plane overseas. I didn't get my visa until the week prior (which wasn't actually my fault). I booked my flight late. I should've brought more clothes. I needed to go to the dentist beforehand, yet did not.

Those were just some of the logistical concerns. When I got here and started settling in, people would ask me, "Is China what you expected it to be?"

I guess I wasn't mentally, nor emotionally, prepared for this move. Unlike my move to Argentina, I had months to think about and just get excited over the life change that was about to happen. But China came at me suddenly. I got the job about a month before the move, while just getting accustomed to being back in the US and out of South America, I took a trip to Hawaii and then to Florida, leaving me about a week to prepare for my move.

So the answer to the question has always been that I didn't know what to expect because I honestly didn't even think about it that much. Was I culture shocked being here? Well, not really. I travel so much that it takes a lot to shock me.

There is one thing which I am surprised that didn't cross my mind before moving here. The sad fact is that China, along with many other Asian countries, is a white man's playground. I didn't take into account the types of people a teaching job here would attract. Now, I came here because it paid pretty well and I thought I'd experience China, somewhere I had never been before. And I like teaching; it's what I normally do for a living. I failed to think about other possible motivating factors of why specifically white males would be drawn to this region.

I'd say this topic has been at the forefront of my observations and analyses since I've been here. But I'm a bit tired after writing two blogs, so I shall continue this more in depth at another time.

Wow I suck at this blogging thing

I started this blog while I was living in Buenos Aires, and since then I have only put up one post about the US elections. I wouldn't say I'm the worst blogger in the history of blogging, but I admit I'm pretty bad at it. Or you can just tally this one under "Patricia's lack of commitment" list, along with her former job at LAUSD, Argentina, boyfriends 1, 5, 6, 7, and 11, weeknight dinner plans, baby showers, and the LA Marathon, to name a few.

Oh! But I AM committing to the Great Urban Race in San Diego this coming October, and I am still looking for a partner. That is, of course, unless suddenly I am not committed to it due to another one of my hairbrained ideas, like moving to an ashram in India, joining the Peace Corps, or deciding to search for the Holy Grail. If you knew me, you'd know all of these would be plausible.

And here is my not-so-smooth segueway into my latest plane-hopping extravaganza that is my life: China. Yes, fast forward from the previous November entry that had almost nothing to do with my Argentine surroundings, to thousands of miles across an ocean to a country I've never been to before but suddenly decided, "Hey, yeah, that'd be different. It beats earning Pesos."

So what if I left hot, dress-wearing, park-going weather for the absolute cold? My weather thing on my computer says it's -2 degrees Celcius, but since I'm just a dumb American and because it's not in Farenheit, I have no idea what that means anyway, leaving me impervious to whatever the accurate climate change is.

And so what that I was finally making headway on my Spanish, learning Argentine customs, able to down mate steaming hot, and had finally mastered my Guia-T and hoarded enough monedas to get me on the bus for a full week? Things were just about to get comfortable, and my restlessness would have inevitably come.

And so what that I left what is possibly the most beautiful gene pool on Earth, those Spanish-Italian Porteños, with that super sexy Castellano del Rio de Plata rolling off their tongues, using "vos" and "dale," whispering things on the street like "Diosa, como te amo," which is enough to reduce a grown woman to schoolgirlish giggles? I think out of the billion people who live here in China (well, ok, half a billion men, maybe a quarter billion who are in my age range), I am attracted to about 5 of them. I am sure to run into one of them sometime.

I forgot where I was going with this. Oh yes, so now I am in China. Specifically, a place called Changping, which is about an hour outside of Beijing.

I had a lot more I wanted to write in this blog, but here comes the part where I'm having trouble committing to finishing what I started. So we'll just end this one...right...here.

A Letter to those who may have their doubts about president-elect Obama

**I wrote this email to the members of my family who are staunch republicans, after receiving a few disparaging emails from an aunt about president-elect obama. many of my aunts and uncles have served in the US military, since at the time joining the US military was a guaranteed way to a better life, especially for people of the Philippines who wanted to move to the US for more opportunities for their families. As a result though, many members of my family have stayed strictly aligned to the conservative party. I debated whether or not I should say anything, but in the end I can't keep my big mouth shut =)

This is an email regarding the attached forward I received recently, the other one about Barack Obama attending flag-burning ceremonies I received pre-election day, and any other opposition emails I may receive regarding the new president-elect.I realize that by responding like this, I may be stepping on a few toes. I've debated not saying anything, but something compels me to put myself out there and say something about the nature of these attacks on Obama. And I preface this email by saying that I am not claiming to be an expert; this is simply the opinion of one American citizen.We have all heard the criticisms: he’s too young and inexperienced, he will be soft on our so-called enemies and terrorists around the world, and he is an idealist, just a good orator who promises extreme change during his campaign, but won’t be able to deliver it to the millions of people who gained his trust and his vote. These criticisms were the ones that fell on the side of valid fears, but there have also been critiques such as he is (gasp!) a socialist, he isn’t Christian enough, and with a name that sounds too foreign he must be a Muslim (which became a crime since, when exactly?). The Grand Old Party, instead of focusing on supporting their own presidential candidate, tried their old tactic of stirring up the old “us vs. them” mentality, a departure from the “good ol’ boys,” running a campaign against Obama that took advantage of people’s fears based on narrow-minded prejudice.

The two emails I received (albeit, the one attached seeming to be more in jest) are prime examples of the unfounded fears being spread. My favorite was the flag-burning one, which said Obama and his wife did attend several flag-burning ceremonies in the past, and that he would like to perhaps change the American flag and national anthem. The author of the article from which the email was quoted from was astounded at this, while not even considering Obama’s reasons. Obama stated that “There are a lot of people in the world to whom the American flag is a symbol of oppression…we should consider to reinvent our National Anthem as well as to redesign our Flag to better offer our enemies hope and love…when I become President, I will seek a pact or agreement to end hostilities between those who have been at war or in a state of enmity, and a freedom from disquieting oppressive thoughts…of course now, I have found myself about to become the President of the United States and I have put aside my hatred. I will use my power to bring CHANGE to this Nation, and offer the people a new path of hope.” The author of the article did not even comment on this alternative viewpoint of American oppression, something typical of the right-wing party: it chooses what it wants to hear and ignores the rest. This is how the unilateral Bush administration ran our country and you can now see the effects of carelessly doing so.

I have grown up with a privileged life. My parents were able to provide for both me and my brother in many ways, financially and emotionally. I was free to pursue a quality education and to vote for our elected leaders, regardless of my gender or the color of my skin. I’ve lived in a time of economic prosperity and abundance, secure in my own homeland. I have had access to different avenues of thought and have been able to speak my mind, demonstrate, and protest without fear. I grew up with constant hope, nurtured by a society that believes in “the American Dream,” that here in this country there is a way to have the life we’ve always dreamed we could have. And I have been able to lead this life because of the many sacrifices people have made before me, both in my family and in my greater nation, and I am always appreciative of that.

Hope. It has been used so relentlessly these past few months that some may feel it is losing its credence, that the value and weight of those four letters strung together will diminish one day into simply a slogan for the best-run campaign in our nation’s history. As US Americans, though, sometimes we can take hope for granted. I have been living here in Buenos Aires, Argentina for the past few months, teaching English to business professionals and even to some people in the government. The general consensus here that people feel about their government is that it is completely corrupt, run by a hated president, and debilitated by their own financial crisis six years ago and the current global one. When I ask if there is any hope, for a better government, for the country’s unity, or if there is any transformational figure in the making who can be a symbol for their hope in the future, the answer is always “no.”

Until this moment, I myself have taken hope for granted, when it is, in fact, the most important driving force behind the actions and mindset of the American people. It is our asset, which we all have access to, regardless of race, class, gender, etc, regardless of what laws or propositions are passed in the moment, regardless of who was president before and how much he royally screwed us all presently, and regardless of who the new president will be. There is always hope, and I never knew the true value of it until I saw the complete lack of it in other people, in other countries.

From his speech in New Hampshire, which will probably go down in history as one of the greatest American speeches, Barrack Hussein Obama said, “We know the battle ahead will be long, but always remember that no matter what obstacles stand in our way, nothing can withstand the power of millions of voices calling for change. We have been told we cannot do this by a chorus of cynics who will only grow louder and more dissonant in the weeks to come. We've been asked to pause for a reality check. We've been warned against offering the people of this nation false hope. But in the unlikely story that is America, there has never been anything false about hope. For when we have faced down impossible odds; when we've been told that we're not ready, or that we shouldn't try, or that we can't, generations of Americans have responded with asimple creed that sums up the spirit of a people. Yes we can.”

Obama and his team were smart on making hope the center of his campaign. If nothing else comes from this other than a historical election, the first African-American president of the United States, historical voting, grassroots movement and community organizing at its best, and general excitement in politics again, then I will be satisfied. Of course, I do hope Obama prevails with what he had set out to do, and for once, I have complete faith in who we, the American people, have elected into the most powerful position in the world, that he will indeed bring “change.” He was already successful in becoming someone we could all believe in, regardless of partisanship, race, gender, religion, and age. And no matter what type of rumors of characteristics and values some may try to superimpose on him, he has proven to be of strong, thoughtful, intelligent, and humble character; his strategy of diplomacy rather than violence and brute military force a welcome change for all citizens of the world. He is received well the world over and he is our new posterboy for leading this country back into greatness. He may have his flaws, he may not be perfect, but in the end I am glad I chose a candidate who promoted hope and progress rather than one that promoted fear and the status quo.

I am too young to have witnessed the days of Gandhi and Martin Luther King, Jr., and too far removed to be present during the proud moments of South Africa and Nelson Mandela, but I can say that I have witnessed the transformational figure of my country and my generation, who inspired not just the American people but the whole world, whose story growing up seems to reflect the story of so many I know who still reach for that “American Dream.” He is the one we have been waiting for, and when we say this he humbly responds by saying, “WE are the ones we have been waiting for.”

The people have cast their ballots, donated money, time, and effort, and the overwhelming response of our nation has called upon this man to be our president. When I travel, I usually am reluctant to admit that I am a US American, because I know I will have to brace myself for the ensuing remarks which are not always kind. But when I woke up November 5th and went about my day here in Buenos Aires, I can honestly say that there was never a moment in my life that I was prouder to be an American.

“And to all those who have wondered if America's beacon still burns as bright: Tonight we proved once more that the true strength of our nation comes not from the might of our arms or the scale of our wealth, but from the enduring power of our ideals: democracy, liberty, opportunity and unyielding hope. That's the true genius of America: that America can change. Our union can be perfected. What we've already achieved gives us hope for what we can and must achieve tomorrow.” –President-elect Barack Hussein Obama, 5 November 2008